I am a doer, I like being involved with projects and activities, things that keep me moving and going. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself “active”, most of what I do is from a chair and a laptop, unfortunately, but I would call myself the opposite of “passive”. I resent the idea of submitting to information, rather than identifying answers and seeking to construct something with them. As I said, “I’m a doer”.
This gives me a weird take on lectures, and in general, books. I often find hard to read for long periods of time or listen to large pieces of content. As soon as a speaker starts talking, I’m usually questioning the ideas with regard to my own worldview. I have always been fidgety when sitting still too long, but I regarded it as a problem. The problem is that I was to have a conversation, not a narrative— to speak with someone rather than be spoken at.
This week as I’m both reading a book (which I really enjoy) and going over a lot of lectures (which is okay), I’ve found myself in a weird state. I am almost desperate to give my notes on what I believe to the author of the book, and my appreciations for his written words. Conversely, the lectures (many of which I have pleasant disagreements and skepticisms of) I feel eager to announce. I enjoy a lecture, written or spoken, but I love it provided I can lecture back.
Questioning and seeking to disagree is a fundamental thing whenever I read or hear a speaker. I immediately begin to seek out “how are they wrong”, not to dismantle them, but to gain further clarity. I should note my hypocrisy, I am often unclear and vague, though I hope to be called out for it. In large part, I hope to point out how I think they may be wrong, so that they may clarify and in turn point out how I am misled. I take the world as more black and white than gray, and while I will hold up my arguments, I hope to be shown where I am wrong in most of my convictions, so that I may change my misled or distorted belief.
Here is to having my ass handed to me, in a worldview sense, that is.